The Rules for Men

Rating

THE RULES

1. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and
eaten by his fellow partygoers.

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
                a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master   
                b. When Angelina Jolie licks her lips & unbuttons her blouse.
                c. After wrecking your boss' Ferrari

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of
jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever, unless you actually marry her.
 
6. Minimum time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 4
minutes, maximum time: 5 minutes. For a girl: 10 minutes for every point of
hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge
is forbidden, gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

8. You are never required to buy a birthday present for another man.

9. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddies' girlfriends within
20 minutes of meeting them, but you are not required to make nice with
her gal pals' significant dick-heads (low level sports bonding is all the
rule requires).
                ...Sorry ladies, it's called a double standard because it's
twice as true.

10. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you
may ask the score, but you can never ask who's playing.

11. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose
of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. ...Ever. Issue closed.

14. Girls who say "I love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they can demonstrate the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

15. You must offer heartfelt/public condolences over the death of
a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire.

16. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice
of pizza, but not both, it's bad etiquette & poor form.

17. Never join girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except if she's
with holding sex pending your response, then you can agree with everything.

18. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting  weights:
                    a. Yeah, baby, push it!
                    b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
                    c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

19. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
footing, both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.

20. When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only
in a manner that gives you no chance of getting laid either.

21. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a
friend" have drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird is no
reason not to have sex again before the discussion starts about what a big
mistake it was.

22. Always split aces and eights. No arguments.