WOMAN'S
PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's
sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the
Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of
Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of
Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of
the milk carton.
"Cash,
check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I
noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV
remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband
refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand
women.
I'll never understand how you can
take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh,
rip the hair out by the root, and STILL be afraid of a spider.
While
attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, T om and his
wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
dislikes."
He addressed the man, "Can you name
your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's
arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
A man
walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks
him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a
box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct
aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a
huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought
you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like
this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of
cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause
it's sooooooooooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my
own .......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on
the milk carton! )
A couple
drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules,
goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
A husband
read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has
to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife
and asked, "What?"
A man
said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so
beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to
explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
A man
and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee
each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it,
because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get
our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in
charge of cooking around here a!
ND you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for
my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do
it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe
that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and
opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,
that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"
A man
and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly,
the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on
a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up,
only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for
these kinds of contests.
